Be honest with you about what you’re trying to achieve. If you really do want to break up with him and you are sick of the situation, he shouldn’t be able to wheedle his way around you. Yes, you are breaking up because he can’t give you what you need, want and deserve, , you’re also breaking up with him because YOU are better than this. Yes you may be conditioned to think that the crumbs are enough for you, but the reality is that a healthy relationship with a man that is only with you and puts you at the centre of his life, feels far different to the flimsy ‘relationship’ that you’re in now. Think of the woman he’s with, the woman that you view as the person who is robbing you of the opportunity to be with your guy, as a human being with feelings and strengths and weaknesses just like you. Affairs and in fact, all dubious relationships rely on element of shame and secrecy and this compounds your dilemma.
If this is about trying to influence or even force him into making a decision or at the very least, gameplaying, re-evaluate your motives and think about the bigger picture and whether is how you want to spend your time, because it’s a slippery slope to losing your dignity and no one is worth that. One of the strengths of the guy in this relationship is that he has the power to get around you. That and whatever you’re prepared to settle for is what you’re going to get. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. When you stop seeing her as this inconvenient, pesky obstacle, in truly empathising, you will be able to feel compassion and also have self-compassion. Do you still want to be doing this in 3, 6, 9, 12 months or even in years? Instead of being in watching TV with your feet up waiting for his call, be out. If you think you’ll be tempted to be swayed, change your mobile phone or block his email address. You’d be surprised though – lots of people have been in your situation.
Most of us have always wanted to have a few extra-marital affairs every now and then.
You need a time out from your difficult, sexless or loveless marriage.
It can feel like an exorcism that brings up every ugly thought and issue that you may have been unaware was rumbling around inside you.